有时，我觉得自己很自私。
常常，我只看到别人的缺点而不是优点。 同时，我也只能看到我的优点而不是缺点。
Sometimes, I feel I'm selfish. I can only the positive of me and not the negative. And, I can only see the negative points of others and not the positive.

我曾听说过，“不要感情用事。” 但，有多少人做得到？
Many times I've heard, never let your feelings get the better of you. But how many have achieved that?
就因为他和你有关系并不表示凡事都要想到他而忽略别人的意见。
Just because you're related doesn't necessarily mean you just have to think of him and forget about other's opinion.

From here onwards for this post, you can ignore if you want.

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Well, I'm still in a lost situation because I'm still considering about the Scoliosis operation. I guess this is the first time I'm really blogging about it.
So I decided to read about it online one more time. It is indeed a tough decision. To go or not to go for it?
Googled scoliosis and got the answers. First step was observation, second bracing, third surgery.
Well, I had bracing before. And to say the truth, I really hated it. As young girls, everyone will want to look pretty rather than wearing an object (as hard as stone) and when you bend down, it can be seen. Why? Cos it stretches from the armpits all the way to hip bone. If it's only at the hip bone part, perhaps i would have worn it more often.
next thing about bracing. When you wear it, it's really damn effing stuffy that once you wear it, you feel like removing it. In addition, I'm living in Singapore, the tropical hotspot! And you're like making me wear a sweater under the scorching sun.
How can one ever take that?
From wiki, it was said, bracing has to be done 22-23 hours per day. which means I can only be free from it for only 2 hours. Can you take that? I can't.
Many times, I've asked myself, if that time, I had really wore it for 20 plus hours instead of 6hours, probably I wouldn't be feeling so guilty and conscious about how I dress now.
I ask myself many times, of all people, why must it be me? Why must it be the cause to hinder from my ideal career and my passion?
The only answer I can get is tears.

I seriously hate visiting the doctor. Why? Because each time I visit them, I will end up with tears.
The first time was an extremely bad experience. I thought the second one might be better. But one by one it turned out worst. When a patient is like feeling bad enough about her condition, they had to have intern doctors in the room and to observe me as if I was a product on display.
Each time, they gave me different doctors and to me, I felt like, which is the one that truly knows me? All of you are just reading my info from the file. You don't really know my condition!

And, I was the one who initiated surgery at the start but you rejected it. Now, you come asking me if I want to go for it. Isn't it ironic? You give me different doctors each time and then you seem to be telling me, leave your life in my hands. I will make sure it's a success.
How well do you know about my condition then? I bet right now if I were to appear on the streets before you, you wouldn't know I'm your patient. If reading the files mean you understand me inside out, then it's like what's the use of having lecturers to teach me when I can read from textbooks?

Sometimes, I really what's the main purpose of doctors asking us to go for surgery. You say it's for my own good. But is it really for my own good? Or do you want to treat me like an experiment again? To lie on the icy cold table and let your interns study me?
I asked what's the cost. The doctor kept mum.
I asked what's the benefits. You go on and on.
I asked what's the negative effects. You just list one or two while I can find many on the net.
Do you know, you're actually just working on my feelings to try to make me go for my surgery?